onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
