Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
