carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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