Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
