thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
