my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize