just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
