And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
