so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
