I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
