how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
