i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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