ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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