john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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