none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
