I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
