Betty ford says i'm here all night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
