I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
