My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
