i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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