Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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