Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
