So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
