nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize