Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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