youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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