Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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