made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
