Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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