Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
