Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
