Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize