u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can I color on your dick again?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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