So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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