i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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