You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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