And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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