I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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