I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
