Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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