these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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