I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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