woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
