You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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