Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
