I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
