You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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