Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
