between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
