As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
