I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
