dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
