We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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