i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
