when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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