No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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