I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was like eating out sand paper
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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