My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
