Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize