Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
