His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
