sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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