her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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