you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize