he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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