It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
