I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
