I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
