I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
