The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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