Can i not drive my cunt home
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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