Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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