I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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